Sunday, March 01, 2009

Confessions of an Unfaithful Daughter


One of my blog friends emailed me about a week ago and asked me what my hesitation was with moving forward with this adoption. Even as I clicked away my reply on the keyboard, I realized how ridiculous my response was. I found myself arguing with my own reasoning. The only hesitation we have is the financial commitment that another adoption demands.

And yes, I know what some of you are thinking. We are the same people who adopted Kristina 15 months ago. The same people who God provided those adoption funds for. Finances couldn't be worse (yet we are thankful for what we have). The future couldn't be more uncertain (yet we know God directs our path). I laid awake from 2:30-4:30 last night thinking and praying. I tried to think of what I have of value that I could sell. There are no accounts to tap. Our savings are gone from our Mississippi adventure.

"What you need is a benefactor," Robert teased me as I was wrestling with the numbers in my head. My instant reaction was, "I do. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills." Yet putting that faith into action is easier said than done. This is the conversation that runs through my head. See what I'm dealing with?

We do not have the luxury of time either. The child we are praying over will age out of the orphanage she is in and, due to her disability, will be sent to an institution in a few months. It's not a place she belongs. It's not a place any child belongs. Taking decisive action is of the essence. Yet here I stand, terrified to move. If I could, I would call the facilitator and commit to this adoption tonight. If I could . . .


And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes."
Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief."
-Mark 9:23-24


9 comments:

Tami said...

If you feel like this what God wants you to do I want to encourage you to just do it...and watch God work. He took care of you last time, he'll do it again. Take the step...He'll catch you. ;>)

adoptedthree said...

Leslie

I have never once known I had the money to adopt. It was never there, but somehow someway we have found it.

It may take some sacraficing and it may take some prayers.

When I look back on my life I dont want to remember the new SUV or new home, but I want to look back and rememeber the beautiful memories my children have given me. That is why I sacrafice to bring my children home!!

Nataliya said...

Finances are a big hurdle, but remember, you can claim $12,150 adoption credit for 2009! I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be the right decision for you!

MamaPoRuski said...

I know you know the answer, praying for the peace that transcends your understanding to guard your heart AND mind in Christ Jesus...AMEN!

Ashley said...

I pray that God will move you to take that first step. There is a song that we sing in church that says..

"Break through, break through all my doubts...

Break through, break through all my fears..."

Anyway, it is really a good song and I wish I could play it for you.

Tony and Dawn said...

Believe me, you are not alone in your journey. In fact, three adoptive families that we met during our adoption process are pursuing adoptions already. The Lord has burdened our hearts as well and we are praying for His guidance.
God Bless -

helpusadopt said...

I totally feel you on this one. People look at us like we are retarded for even attempting to adopt in this "economy". At this point, I am not even sure what "economy" we are in anymore. It's been so hard to not make decisions based solely on finances, but yet I find myself doing that alot. "Well this country is cheaper" or "if I do this, I won't have to pay for this". I am not putting my faith in God and seeking his direction when I do that. But I do know one thing--we started with absolutely no money and somehow have enough for our homestudy and other start up fees. That is way more than I had ever imagined. I thought I'd be taking out loans, but instead, people gave. I didn't beg them. I didn't try to sell off my possessions. I just simply let people know we were adopting, prayed, and had faith in God. This is so hard for me, if you knew my past. (we lost our home because my mom relied solely on "faith" to save it). Anyway, I know God has a plan for you and the adopted child and he will provide for you. Keep praying. Keep seeking His direction. Don't give up..that is what Satan wants you to do. Trust is so hard, but if we just give it over to God, we watch Him become so real in our lives...

Christine said...

I thought of you as I read Ashley's blog this morning and then I saw that you left a comment. How awesome is that! Now that I have too witnessed how the Lord moves mountains, I just want you to know that I would help you in anyway that I can to help you guys raise money.

Christy said...

You've been nominated for a blog award! Come visit my blog to claim it