I can't believe that almost a year has gone by since I considered traveling to Ukraine and began blogging. I do believe that 6 months have gone by since my precious child walked away from me at an airport. We feel her absence everyday. Robert and I were in a store the other day and I kept picking up little items that I thought Kristina would love and showing them to him. Strangely enough, each item was small enough to fit in a 10x13 mailing envelope, our primary form of connection with the girl. Last week I sent an envelope with a set of Disney princess pajamas, valentine candy, a few books and letters from the family. I have three more envelopes in my closet already packed with gifts of love, but they don't fill the gap that time and distance have created in our hearts. Its a heavy burden to carry; I've seen what she has gone back to. We can't go for her soon enough.
This, coupled with so many other changes, has put me out of sorts. I feel as though God is truely testing my faith. I desperately want clarity for several situations and God has not seen fit to provide me with that at this time. I am pained as I wander in uncertainty over the direction that my life is taking. I know that God is a big picture worker, but I am geared to dwell on the details. I have a hard time stepping back and seeing the larger workings.
Blogger recently changed over to a new format. I resisted changing to the new format until recently. Tonight when I logged in to post, I accidentally clicked on the "Moderate Comments" tab. To my surprise, there were over 25 comments from past posts that had not made it onto the blog. I scrolled through and read them one by one. They were messages of encouragement and love from friends and strangers. It was a much needed boost of support. It was a reminder that I don't walk this path alone. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy the view.
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